Women Gamers and Learning to Game

This kotaku article about 80% of women gamers preferring the Wii over other consoles is good . . . mainly because of the comments. There are a couple of very good exchanges from women gamers. One exchange highlights a common problem of getting opinions about women gamers from . . . men. Instead of seeking out women gamers themselves. [In contrast, the Joystiq comments on this same news was the same dreary, cliche jokes about the Wii and women.]

The comment from Alexis especially impressed me–

Most young women (ages 18-35) grew up with marketing, brothers and gaming itself, telling them that video games are a boys club. I’d argue that even today women are told that only a certain type (casual, party games) are meant for them. When so many people tell you as a kid that something just “isn’t for you” you have a tendency to believe it and focus your interests toward something else. This is a trend that we’ve all followed on some level, whether it was us not playing video games or not playing with Barbies.

For example, my roommate (who is a girl) was playing SMB Wii with me and was self conscious about her playing ability. She kept on with “so sorry for fucking you up, so sorry I died” and stuff like that. I hear that A LOT with women when they play games with me, and get this I’m a woman,(and known gamer) myself! They all start up with “my brother never let me play, blah blah” and it basically comes around to “guys are annoyed with me when I play, so I try not to play”. That’s what you sound like when you talk about girls not being able to play. You may try your darndest to not be irritated, but as you said, its frustrating and women can tell you’re getting frustrated. In turn, a lot of them get self conscious about playing any video games at all. Therefore, they’re not as good.

I’m very aware of this when playing with my kids, especially my daughter. She’s a defiant, assertive 7-year-old who doesn’t like it when someone says she can’t do something. But at the core of that stubborn, assertive behavior is hurt. When a boy at school told her that she couldn’t possibly like Pokemon because she’s a girl, and girls don’t play Pokemon, she asserted herself and even enjoyed telling how she told him otherwise. But I saw still that hurt of someone excluding and limiting her based purely on her gender, which is very crucial to her as she develops her identity.

So, I never try to assume what kind of game she plays. Yes, she loves her Nintendogs. But she also loves Pokemon, Bakugan, and even my Deadly Creatures game. Yet, because of her age, she sometimes lags behind her brother. So, when we play New Super Mario Brothers Wii, she’s the slowest among us and the first to die. I’ve tried to work with my son not to be impatient with her or to command her, like she’s a follower [which is common among kids, no matter the gender].

What I got from Alexis’s comment is that, first, we should remember that the point of gaming is to have fun and that competition shouldn’t come at the expense of fun. Second, in that spirit of fun, we should learn to be better gamers, which means being more patient and even more helpful.

For example, I’ve watched gamers–kids and teens alike–and I see a huge change when they shift to multiplayer. If one kid is playing a game and another watches, the second offers advice and tries to help. But that same kid often behaves differently in a multiplayer game, whether coop or competitive, as he finds ways to assert his superiority or dominance. Gone is the helpful tone. Impatient tones dominate the gaming conversation.